Did I Ever Tell You
by LisaVang
Summary: On the eve of Operation Star Saver, Lisa makes an effort to let Rick know how much she loves him. Just a moment in time... short and bittersweet.


**_Disclaimer:_** I don't own Robotech or any of the characters. The following fan fiction is written for entertainment purposes only.

Did I Ever Tell You

Late into the evening, Skull Team was assembled on the flight deck of the Prometheus; they had been briefed and were ready for action-- Operation Star-Saver!

_What are you doing, Lisa? _

I ask myself for the hundredth time that evening as I stood there watching him as he checks Skull One and prepares himself to fly out-- to rescue Minmei, again.

_Why now? Why does she have to enter his life again just when I was beginning to have hope of us? _

I know I should let him go. He's in love with her, have always been. I've always known this because he has never lied to me about his feelings for her yet a part of me stubbornly refuse to give up-- to give him up.

What can I say? I love him. It's that simple.

It's cold here tonight. The wind is pretty strong for this time of the year but I don't feel it at all. I don't feel anything but this ache in my heart, and I could not let him go off into combat without clearing the air between us.

Life is so uncertain and short.

I was a fool to pick that silly, childish fight with him. You would think that by now I would have learned to hold my tongue when it comes to his dream girl, the love of his life-- Minmei. But how can I when, I'm so envious of her for having his loyalty, devotion and his heart.

Not once does he turn to acknowledge me but it doesn't matter. It's enough that I'm here, watching him, loving him from a far, and knowing he is safe.

_Rick... _

Did I ever tell you how you live in me

Every waking moment, even in my dreams

And if all this talk is crazy

And you don't know what I mean

Does it really matter

Just as long as I believe

"_Look at me, Rick! See me!"_ I want to shout up to him as he climbs into his Veritech with barely a glance at my way.

"_I'm sorry, Rick, the 'amateur heroics' shot was low and unprofessional. There was no excuse for it but I was jealous, so so jealous and angry... because I knew you would fly to the sun and back-- for her! Always her!" _

But instead I say in my most formal voice, "please be careful, Rick! Khyron is crazy. He's capable of anything."

"_I love you, Rick!"_ I want to yell to him as he leaps from his Veritech and stride towards me, acknowledging my presence for the first time that evening.

Instead what comes out of my mouth is, "I'm just afraid you'll lose your objectivity and do something rash..."

'Yes. I love her very much-- I won't lie to you, Lisa. I've never tried to conceal that from you.'

Hearing those words coming out of his mouth-- from his heart, I knew what little happiness Rick and I might have shared had never meant much to him. Minmei would always come first in his life. She would always be the girl for him.

I know now that I was, and will always be just his CO; a shoulder to cry on when the weight of the world becomes too heavy, and when he wants to claim it-- a friend. Only a friend…

I will love again

though my heart is breaking, I will

love again

Stronger than before

I will love again

Even if it takes a lifetime to get over you

Heaven only knows, I will love again

"You're a fine pilot, Rick. Just don't lose your perspective, that's all. If anything was to happen-- " ... _to you my life would be meaningless. I wouldn't know how to live without you because I'm in love with you!' _I would have said.

But he doesn't let me finish. He cuts me off not hearing what was in my heart, and in my soul. He doesn't see the love I have burning in my eyes for him. He doesn't understand that he is my world.

My love is his for the taking. My life, I would have pledge to him without hesitation yet he looks at me as if I was wasting his time.

People never tell you

The way they truly feel

I would die for you gladly

If I knew it was for real

So if all this talk sounds crazy

And the words don't come out right

Does it really matter

If it gets me through this night

'I'm commanding an entire squadron, Lisa! Do you think I would jeopardize their safety just because of my feelings for Minmei! I'm not stupid!'

"_Oh, but you are, Rick!"_ I want to scream at him.

"_When are you going to open your eyes and see that she doesn't love you? She can never love you the way you want her to. She doesn't know your loneliness, your fears, your dreams and your uncertainties. But I do! I know because I have them too. I'm the one who wants to love you more…" _

But off course, I didn't scream those words to him. The only words I could utter are, "emotions are so compelling...I just can't be sure..." because tears of heartbreak, misery and self-pity was burning my throat, choking me into silence.

I will love again

though my heart is breaking, I will

love again

Stronger than before

I will love again

Even if it takes a lifetime to get over you

Heaven only knows, I will love again

Rick struck a challenge pose then, gloved fists on his hips. Demanding what more did I want from him? Haven't he been professional, nice and courteous enough?

The hostile antagonism in his blue eyes and the cold twist of his mouth made me lower my head in shame. Ashamed because I have been abusing my power as his CO by caring for him, loving him and wanting what was best for him. Yet I could not help it for I was afraid.

So afraid that he'll slip out of my life forever, that he'll leave and never come back. But most of all, that there'll be no room in his heart or in his life for me.

"It's nothing...Forget I said anything, Rick," I stammer and I felt my heart breaking into a million pieces.

There is so much more I want to say to him, so much more I need to say to him. But so little time and too many misunderstandings... And I knew then that I could never let him see how much his indifferences had hurt me because it was not his fault that he could not love me.

I tilt my chin up now and fold my arms across my chest. I might as well go down with some semblance of dignity.

If I'm true to myself, nobody else can take

the place of you

But I've got to move on, tell me what else

can I do…

I will love again

though my heart is breaking, I will

love again

Stronger than before

I will love again

Even if it takes a lifetime to get over you

Heaven only knows, I will love again

I don't know what he sees or what he thought. But for the briefest of seconds he hesitates then he puts his hands on my shoulders, and tells me that he'll be back.

Just like that! I'm back on cloud nine again.

"Good luck," I say as he walks away.

I don't know if he heard me or not. But he never turn back to look at me as I stood there, watching him fly off. And for once I was glad that he didn't turn back for if he did, he would have seen me crying-- tears of joy, tears of sadness and tears of hope…

I will love again

One day I know, I will love again

You can't stop me from loving again,

breathing again

Feeling again

I know, one day, I'll love again

_I Will Love Again_ (piano ballad version) sung by Lara Fabian.


End file.
